“To tack a boat, to sail a zig-zag course is not to deny our destiny or our destination-
despite how it may appear to those who never dare to take the tiller in their hand.
Just the opposite: it’s to recognize the obstacles that stand between ourselves and
where we want to go and then maneuver with patience and fortitude, making the most
of each leg of our journey until we reach our landfall. “ -Richard Bode

I love sailing! It’s exhilarating; that distinctive salty sea air and water mist on my face, causes me to be alert and wide awake. You never know when the wind will change and you must ready yourself. Like the game of life, we are here for the joy of it and must know how to play it.

When the sails start to luff, you must head into the wind, tighten your angle to move forward. Obstacles are merely challenges so you can use your head to maneuver onward. You learn to welcome the unexpected because the unpredictable offers you novel ways to find solutions to life’s problems. In the process of sailing, you become confident working your magic: building your ability to be clever and use skillful actions to adapt, improve, improvise!

Can your child “roll with the punches” and “go with the flow”?

You don’t need to be in a sailing boat to practice. These are positive, mental attitudes and I can show you how you foster your youngster’s use of inspiration and innovation and how to encourage him to “take off” and “trust”. But first you have to row a little boat– which means, you begin with the self-disciple required for centering yourself, calming yourself no matter what is happening in the world around you or within you.

Here are 5 steps for steady progress:

1. Practice Relaxation

The most important skill we can teach our child is how to calm and settle himself. But you can’t teach what you do not know for yourself. So begin by taking back the afternoon and just rest together. Turn off cell phones, put away mobile devices and turn on your child’s smiles. Sit together on a back yard swing, relax in a hammock or just flop on the sofa long enough to quiet your nervous system by breathing rhythmically. Four counts, breathe in; six counts breathe out

2. Stay Present

Bring your attention to the present moment. In this moment all is well. Feel the peace that is always there which the rush of the day tried to hide. Using a guided imagery audio or music combined with rhythmic breathing is an effective method for keeping your attention on the present moment. When you develop the capacity to be aware of your mind/body system slowing down, you find your peace. Remember, emotions go to every cell in your body so choose health.

Pay attention to opportunities that present themselves disguised as disappointments, despair or detours. These “problem emotions” give birth to innovation, perseverance and adaptability.

3. Be Patient

Practice holding on to peace rather than becoming impatient or uncomfortable with the slowed down pace. Sometimes it may feel like you have to move or talk or you’ll jump out of your skin! The more you can become focused, the more you can cultivate the passive attitude of relaxation and the more you can be gentle with yourself.

4. Welcome the Unexpected

When you welcome the unexpected, you open your mind to the power within you, so you can maneuver yourself forward and not collapse in a heap of discomfort. When you welcome the unexpected, you begin to think more creatively to find solutions rather than stay stuck in old assumptions, such as, this thing happened to me and therefore I should be crushed! When you welcome the unexpected, you practice using your mind in a special manner that make new nerve endings connect causing you to come up with even more possibilities than ever before.

5. Be Determined

Never give up on yourself. Make the most of each leg of your journey until you make your landfall using your skillful action to adapt, improve and improvise.

leave comment for me on my contact page at www.drroxannedaleo.com

In a world where we and are children are hurried, over-scheduled and stress-out; health integrity is not only favorable, it is a necessity. Learn how to slow, pause and tune into your body’s innate ability to “right” itself. Here’s how.

Years ago, when I worked as research assistant to Joan Borysenko,Ph.D., co-founder of the Mind/Body Clinic with Harvard cardiologist, Herbert Benson, MD, I was introduced to the basic

principles and benefits of relaxing the mind, body and spirit. I was involved in weekly meditation groups of adults who came with stress disorders ranging from digestive problems, chronic pain, migraine headaches to cancer. They were seeking a cure for their physical symptoms. But they left with a new mind set, a perspective on how the mind/body connection is really a body/mind language. And in learning how to communicate, they reported weekly relief. It all begins with our breathing.

“In the breath is a clearing space.” This was unfamiliar language to me. But as I practiced

breathing mindfully, I understood how Dr. Benson’s Mind/Body Program was helping adults use the breath to restore the body’s natural ability to return to homeostasis and cope with additional stress.

I use the child’s imagination through my teaching guided imagery relaxation and breathing. I have come to believe that this is probably one of the most amazing tools that you could be given.

School principals and teachers are only too aware of unruly children in classrooms due to

their disruptive behavior, anxiety disorders and meanness. The ability to be peaceful, patient and kind has gone by the wayside. However, I believe, and current trends in social psychology are pointing to methods in mindfulness and resilience to teach the new ABC’S:

A-wareness of our B-ody/Mind C-ommunication for S-tress Relief.

The individual letters or building blocks of this language include mindfulness, meditation and relaxation techniques.  This language builds understanding and communication first with ourselves and then with those in the world around us. This language helps to create inner strength and resilience, right action, peace, balance, contentment and connection.

To teach our children this new language, we must first learn it ourselves.  The more we are able to be centered in our own bodies and feel what is going on for ourselves personally when we or a loved one is experiencing some sort of challenge or change; the quicker and more natural it becomes for our children to do this as well.  Just as it is with any other language, the more it is spoken and shared by everyone in an environment, the easier it is to become fluent in it.

Children learn through their senses. Think about this for a moment. Everything, especially in the natural world, can be experienced using all your senses. Everything can be taken in

through sight, sound, smell, taste, touch and intuition. Multi-sensory awareness is our innate

ability and it can be developed so we more deeply experience multi-sensory living.

To what purpose would multi-sensory living serve? You say you and your kids are already in stimulus overload!

I am asking you to consciously learn a new language. Gently, turn your attention away from the day, away from the stressors. Bring your attention inward to your breathing. In the breath is the clearing space where something new can happen. It is open, expansive, healing. Start with the breath; add a word, phrase, image, sound or touch stone and you learn your ABC’S.

Inner balance is another term for homeostasis. When we pause and take three, deep letting go breaths, we begin to allow our bodies to be conscious to us. So that we learn the language of the body’s warning signs of stress overload. And then notice where the tightness and tension is located, breathe into that place and start the process of stress reduction.

The following are a multi-sensory series of relaxation techniques designed to increase your child’s ability to learn her ABC’S. These are essential for anyone who wants to calm the mind, body and spirit. Try them all, one after the other (1-5) or one at a time.

1. VISUAL Take three, deep letting go breaths. Stand or sit in front of a window overlooking your garden, your backyard; or find a photograph of a beautiful place in nature. Now, look more closely- what do you see, really? If you are looking outside, notice the wind moving the leaves and flowers. In the photo, you can zoom-in on the colors. Let yourself stay focused with the object in front of you.

2. AUDITORY Take three, deep letting go breaths.with your child. With your eyes open or eyes closed, ring a bell or chime and follow the sound for as long as you can hear ti. A gentle sound

like a bell sound is a nutrient to the human nervous system. Ring the bell again, now listen to the sound of your own breathing. This is a good way to start slowing down and then listening to your body.

3. KINESTHETIC Your child may be a kinesthetic learner, one who feels in his body the vibrations of this environment.. Take three, deep letting go breaths. Bring you child’s

attention to her body. Ask: “What do you feel? Tight knot in stomach, sad, mad, happy?

When ever you notice your self becoming upset- you can place an elastic band on your wrist

then you can snap it lightly to remember to breathe. Pull on the elastic band around your wrist and say to your self: “snap out of it!”

4. OLFACTORY Take three, deep letting go breaths. Holding a bottle of lavender essential oil,

smell the fragrance of the aroma from the bottle. Because our sense of smell is a powerful and immediate stress reducer, it is an effective method of changing what we are focused on that is

stressing to a sweet smell that is pleasurable to you.

5. TASTE Take three, deep letting go breaths. You can use your breathing to practice eating

slowly and mindfully. Taking a raisin or a small bite of food, bring all your attention to the sensations of eating. Try chewing twenty times then swallowing. Really taste the sweetness of the raisin or food you are eating.

6. SIXTH-SENSORY Take three, deep letting go breaths. Open your inner vision, your in- sight; the sight in you, in your imagination. Imagine a picture of a doorway opening to a wide open space like the blue sky above you. Breathe in fully; breathe out fully. Opening to your imagination by closing the visual channel will almost immediately reduce the level of distraction, confusion and anxiety you are experiencing. Take a moment, keeping the eyes closed to just breathe. What do you see? Hear? In the breath is a clearing space where something new can

happen. It can be peaceful, stay as long as you like as just listen.

Your breathing is with you all the time and you can use it whenever you find yourself

getting caught up in stressful moments. Select one of the above six sensory relaxation

techniques, perhaps visual. Look out the window at the sky. Even though we

may have upset feelings and want shut down our emotions. Use your breathing to create

space so you can pause, breathe. Be present. You are learning how to make friends with all

your emotions- angry, sad, hurt, scared, happy. This ability to be fully present creates the new.

By taking the time and space to be conscious of your own physical response and feelings in a given situation, you can actually create more time and space to receive meaningful information and deeper wisdom from which to act in a way that is helpful and supportive.

Please leave a comment about your multi-sensory experience and get a free guided imagery

audio! www.drroxannedaleo.com

Carving Your Values In Stone

By Dr. Roxanne Daleo

Every parent is a child’s first teacher. Every teacher becomes a parent to the child as they learn life’s lessons. And what we learn as children stays with us for a lifetime.

Just as we would teach our children the art of penmanship – first writing the alphabet, then words to write a letter – we must teach our children the arts of thoughtmanship and behaviorship.

“Thoughtmanship” is the art of how to think about thinking. And “behaviorship” is the art of behaving intentionally… and ultimately understanding the ripple effect of everything we think and do.

A “think message” is deliberate. A “think message” is intentional.

Your intention goes before you even enter a room. Intention carries your energy. The energy of what you are thinking and feeling.

The most powerful method of teaching is modeling. When we live our values, we model habits of thinking and behaving.

In this FREE workshop – inspired by “The Keys To Activate Your Child’s Inner Impulse To Choose Wisely” – you’ll have an opportunity to explore the delightful craft of ritual. Creating a simple daily practice through “carving your values in stone” – sharing meanings about “thoughtmanship” and “behaviorship” with your child, so he/she may know and carry on these messages. Bring 8-10 smooth stones found by the seashore or a special woodland and a basket or bowl to hold them.

FREE workshop with Dr. Roxie at 32 Pinnacle Road, Harvard, MA 01451

Saturaday, June 30, 2018

2:00PM-4:00PM Make Your Reservation Today!

By Dr. Roxanne Daleo

We all need to know we are connected to every living thing-
the soil, the water, the wind, the sun.

We are the stewards of the EARTH. When we get in touch with
this truth, we discover the power of nature within ourselves..

Let’s send love and appreciation to all that is-
Keep it simple, find a pine cone, feather, sea shell, flower
tie each onto a straight stick using a piece of colored yarn. Now say:

This is the beginning of a new day, the Universe has given me this day to use as I will. In each moment there is power to choose. In each moment I am exchanging a day of my life for it.
I want it to be love, not fear; good not meanness in order that I shall not regret what I have given. This is the beginning of a new day.

Now, place the stick in the ground as a promise to the Earth
to be a mindful steward so other children can walk with Beauty
before them on this planet Earth.

By Dr. Roxanne Daleo

1. SLOW DOWN! Remember, your child is watching and modeling you- so BE PEACE and your child will be peaceful too.

2. Draw your child close with all your heart by giving her/him your time and attention.

BE LOVE and your child will be loving-kind.

3. Enjoy the moment– “Stopping By Woods On A Snowing Evening” is a poem by Robert Frost that reminds us to savor the quiet delights of winter. But in every season, we can BE HAPPY. Next time you pick up your child from school, do something joyful and unexpected on the way home–park the car by a snowy wood or waterway and create delightful memories while having a fun snack in the backseat of the car. If you do, your child will express joy too!

Happy New Year, everyone!  Here’s a ritual to renew your body, mind and spirit. It’s simple and

fun. Your child will understand the deeper meaning of this ritual because it is tangible and children love to use their imaginations! This New Year Ritual is best done during the first days and month of each new year.

Step 1. Go around your home open all the windows. (Just briefly if you live in a cold climate.)

Step 2. Open the front door.

Step 3. Stand with your child at the threshold and say: “As I open all the windows and doors to my home, I open the windows and doors to my soul—in comes the new fresh air, in comes the new sunlight and in comes the new energy of love!”

Step 4. Breathe! Take three deep energizing breaths.

Step 5. As you close the front door and windows throughout your home, notice the feeling of freshness in the air. Notice how you are feeling. Did this make you smile? Good!

“We are like stones joined in an arch, bound to collapse… unless we support one another.” Leo Tolstoi

Now that many children received gifts from Santa, some expected some not; I notice the main
concern of parents calling me for advise refer to their child’s bitterness and ungratefulness.
In other cases, it is the sibling rivalry that has emotions at an all time high when you had hoped for holiday contentment.

Let’s demonstrate how we can support each other, starting at home. The remedy I recommend for a child’s self-centeredness is to interrupt their misbehavior by asking your child
questions that activate and cultivate an educated heart. I use in my work the term the “educated heart” as message to foster compassionate action in young people because it is not enough to have intelligent minds, we must also have a pure heart. A pure heart lacks aggressiveness.

In our daily lives we have opportunities to model cooperation and peacemaking rather than
competition and jealousy. Here’s how. Next time you catch wind of your children fighting—
instead of ignoring it to let them work it out, you need to step in and step up into your parental power. A child is not necessary going to learn peacemaking without our input and guidance.
But even the well-meaning parents tell me they do not feel equipped to handle conflict resolution because they were not given strategies in their upbringing.

I realize this more true than ever. If our children are going to have emotional intelligence, we
adults are to be responsible for modeling these skills. So when I suggest we interrupt the misbehavior, instead of letting it go; what I mean is, you have to keep your calm and not get caught in the cross-fire or show favor. Here’s a powerful question to ask your children: “What are you not bringing to this situation? Is it patience, a moment to consider another point of view?”

When I ask: “What are you not bringing to this relationship to make it work?” Most kids know the answer. Taking time to pause and reflect offers your child a chance to act mindfully, rather than act out.

Here’s another strategy: ask your child to see the goodness in others and see the goodness in themselves. Try it and see what happens.

This year for the holiday gift, consider introducing your child to an activity that can keep him going as he grows. Perhaps, he’s mentioned he wants to learn how to play an instrument or draw?

Remember, when a child is engaged in an activity that brings him joy, he will self-start and
develop creativity. It is the feeling of joy that motivates from within. Just the act of doing something he enjoys, cultivates the art of happiness and contentment–without anyone bribing or coaxing.

why today’s kids are more defiant and disinterested in real life

Can you have a happy child over the holidays and also develop family values through social activities, daily rituals, reverence for elders, practice interpersonal skills and have outdoor exercise and immersion in nature? That’s the question!

A tall order, unless YOU step up and take charge of your parental potency and power.

It seems, by the time your child is in first grade, he or she either wants, owns or has access to an iPhone or iPad. Your child already knows about gaming and insists this is all he/she wants for Christmas! If this is you, read on…

Here’s what experts in neuroscience are reporting and warning. Many youngsters are not only preoccupied with video games, but also, get high from blowing up buildings and people; shooting and destroying moving targets on land, sea or sky; and breaking through walls to get to the next level! All this time, your child’s brain is releasing a cascade of neurochemicals, one in particular, dopamine, which is “the brain’s natural pleasure chemical,” making us feel good 🙂

When overstimulated, your child will need higher and higher “fixes” to feel good or he/she will feel bored! Sound familiar? There’s no interest in “normal” family activities because the virtual world has your child’s brain so charged, it’s as if the gaming makes them feel more alive while real life makes them feel uninterested, zoned out and numb!

Remember in my last blog about the power of the mind and the use of guided imagery to cause your body to react as if the thing you are imagining is real? Well, here it is, except, what your child is imaging is addictive (biochemically speaking) negative and unhealthy.

I’d love for you and your child to use the powers of your mind in a positive, health-giving way. The movies in your mind are not real, but you can use your imagination to enhance your life.

If your child is playing video games before school, the pleasure centers are at a high level and the only thing he/she can do is get in trouble which produces an adrenalin rush like the gaming.

If our kids keep getting used to getting pleasure outside of themselves as they grow, they will look for something else that is stronger to give them pleasure.

If we as parents don’t take charge to limit, and more importantly interrupt this addictive behavior, the next step your child will find will be in fixes that produce even more stimulation like drugs, alcohol, pornography, gambling, excess shopping, over-eating all because the brain’s satisfaction center can never be fulfilled. Yikes!

I don’t care if they’re saying: “all I want for Christmas”…

The best thing you can do for your child is model how to find pleasure by doing things that satisfy you from the inside. Taking time for yourself and your child. Make it your priority.

We all have chronic distractibility, we can’t be present! Unplug yourself and pay attention! Give your child undivided loving time. Sit close, hold hands, give a hug; the brain will also emit those pleasure chemicals when you stoke your child’s back, brush her hair, rub hands or feet while listening to calming music.

Ask questions that motivate: what will you do today to make someone’s day better?

Your children are the world leaders of tomorrow. Ask them to tell you what they like about themselves. What do they know they are good at? Let’s make a plan to enjoy doing them!